Thursday, February 25, 2016

Dispatches From Idjetville

I've always known that I was poorly educated. Yet had I known that very trait would endear me to greatness, I would not have skulked so long in stupidity's shadows. Now, thanks to Donald Trump, the man unafraid to embrace ignorance in the face of ignominy, I'm dumb, proud and wear it loud. 

Bucking conventional wisdom, Trump's proclamation that he loves us (non-Muslim) Americans who are the antithesis of intellectual, has not only created opportunity for us almost overnight, but a revolution, too.

And now, because of my lack of education and overall inability to discern priority among the most serious issues facing our country, I'm choosing to look at the impact his affections will have on fashion. I know what you're thinking: Since when did the poorly educated concern themselves with things like style? Chances are, anyone who assumes otherwise is likely in this newly adored subset of Americans.

Instead of every non-book cracking citizen hijacking an industry which has long left us out in the cold, I submit that smarty pants everywhere will suddenly be donning counterfeit versions of our daily fashion staples. And although resplendent versions of my own cracker wardrobe, for instance, will undoubtedly compromise authenticity, I'm anxious to see which things are copycatted first.

Think of it. Adult bibs will be in vogue simply because idiots drool. It's how we roll! Watch not only items of clothing but the particular manner in which they're worn. At the very least, expect to see hats worn backwards, shoes without any more complicated strings to tie and, maybe best of all, "I'm with stupid" t-shirts with the arrow pointing straight up.

Defying the notion that the word 'elite' encompasses a minority, our once mainstream attire will be the pinnacle of avant garde. So be warned, all you snobs. The shoe will finally be not just on the other foot, but the wrong one, to boot.

Links Contact